4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
