i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
