wakey wakey hands off snakey
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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