If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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