My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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