McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
