it wasn't lemon gatorade
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
