I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
