drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
