Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
