It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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