Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
