That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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