cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My vagina is very pro this idea
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