haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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