we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
