i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
