I can tuck mytits in my pants
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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