We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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