Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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