So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
