you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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