capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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