i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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