hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I think your dad took our porno
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
