I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
