if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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