she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
