My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Randomize
