Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
