I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
