whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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