I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
she pinky promised me she was 18
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Randomize
