at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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