i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
