I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
