i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
