i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
