you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
