I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We don't watch enough power rangers
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
