Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
