You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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