I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
