its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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