i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
