Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
