Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
