remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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