in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
im holly from the hills drunk
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
