After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
