We won't sleep together?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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