if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
