Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
