i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Your shirt... Was in my pants
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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