I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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