Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
