is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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