My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
