i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Less talking, more tequila
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
