I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
someone owes me an orgasm
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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