omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
