barbara walters just said penis...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
