Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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